Tasteless Things to Do to Cars (Part 2)

  • I saw a previous generation Z4 roadster with hardtop. No I am not talking about the Z4 Coupe. It’s the Z4 roadster, but somehow the owner found the hardtop for it, and did away one of the best electronic soft-top in the world. The shape was hideous. He should’ve gotten a Porsche Cayman instead.
  • Putting feminine decoration in a macho car, for example, Hello Kitty and pink pillows in a Nissan 350Z. It’s most probably the dominant girlfriend marking her territory. Please, either dump her or drive the car into the Strait of Melaka. Go get a Smart Roadster or Suzuki Cappuccino, or a new girlfriend.
  • Having loose items in a cabriolet sports car.  I viewed a cabriolet Mini before.  Besides having several lanyards hanging from the lamp, the owner also had pens, business cards, books and documents littered here and there. What did it say?  It said these stuff never flew and hit the driver’s face because he’s always driving slowly. It said he never opened the top, because half of the contents of his car would’ve been blown away. No wonder he’s selling his car. Go get a sedan or a sleepy MPV and spend the extra money on a boot organizer. (That’s exactly what he was going to do)
  • Removing the silencer for whatever reason. The noise, oh the noise, you inconsiderate morons. It’s like having an airport built right next to your ear. Why does anyone think it’s cool?  Probably because the owner has already been deafened back in his Mat Rempit days — when his mom yelled into his left ear and his dad slapped his right face, after they bailed him out from the police station. Such offenders should be condemned to driving lawnmowers for the rest of their lives. Go get your brain tested.
  • Modding the lighting is, in most cases, idiotic. Some Ah Bengs install colored lights. It’s like disco on the move. It’s like a beacon to JPJ that yells “hey I’ve broken every rule in your book, how’s that?”. Some other Ah Bengs install lights for high sea search and rescue. They’re so bright that incoming drivers would think they’ve driven into a light tunnel, a near death experience — which is not far from truth considering how dangerous it is. Go operate a lighthouse, idiots should stay off the road.
  • Paint it pink. I’m sure it can be tastefully done if Picasso did it. But most people are not Picasso. That’s a reason why most factories don’t offer pink as an option. Whenever I see a pink car, I wonder if the owner is colorblind, and the paint shop has just cleared all its stock on him. Go get art lessons or an eye test… Or a Mini or Smart Roadster. I suspect pink can look quite impressive on these smaller cars, though I will never try.
  • Now this one is really just personal opinion — angel-eye lights on the wrong cars. What are the wrong cars? Let’s say it’s night time. While you’re driving, you notice in your rearview mirror that a car is approaching. It has angel-eye lights. Even though you can’t see clearly of what make the car is, but you just know it’s not a BMW. That, is the wrong car.
  •  Just as I thought I was done, I saw this. Again, it’s a matter of personal taste. I couldn’t say what’s wrong with this one exactly. But my immediate feeling was, if an Exige had slept with an Elise S1, its close cousin, this would be the result.
  • Afterthought: Drift stickers on front-wheel-drive cars.  On c’mon. We all know the only time a FWD can really drift is when there’s a flash flood in KL, and the car’s trapped right in the middle of it.

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