Tasteless Things to Do to Cars

    Do you like Bikinis? How about your mom-in-law in Bikinis? I don’t know much about fashion. I don’t know much about styling. But I know that churn in the stomach when I am about to vomit. I couldn’t vomit. I’d dirty my car. So I swallowed it when the Audi R8-wannabe Audi TT passed by. You see, the new Audi TT is a handsome looking car, quite unlike the older model which looks like a squashed Paparich bun. Only the most tasteless kind of folk would vandalize it by fitting R8 look-alike body kits.

    Of course, the car is his. He can molest it in whatever way that pleases him. It’s like if he decides to wear a skirt and high heels to go shopping this Sunday, and actually thinks it’s fashionable, I have no right to interfere. I do, however, have every right in the world to condemn the act of adding moustache to Da Vinci’s Monalisa. Equally repulsive are the tasteless acts listed below:

  • To make a car immediately uncool, stick on a Type-R label. I’ve seen Type-R pillows, Type-R tyre pressure gauge, Type-R fridge magnet, and even Type-R coin box. If you own a genuine Civic Type-R, I really feel sorry for you. Because no one will ever believe it’s the real thing any more.
  • The Audi’s LED daytime running light is cool. But it’s not cool when you put it on a Honda Civic. It’s like you see a girl who looks charming with fake eyelashes, and then you decide to try them on. But you’re a guy. In medieval time, it’d be sufficient evidence that you’re an associate of the devil. I can tie you to a tree and light the fire.
  • Install a GT Wing on a car that only gives 8hp. Aerodynamic will never matter. Zero to hundred time is infinity because top speed is 90km/h. And the owner find 50km/h exhilarating.
  • Fit a Brembo caliper cover over the standard caliper on a 700cc Smart ForTwo. What? Does that make it look like a 7000cc super car? The ForTwo serves the purpose of transportation with minimal consumption of energy. I think it’s one of the most brilliant innovation in the history of cars. Sadly, the species driving it don’t always "get it".
  • Buy a Porsche Cayenne. There’s nothing wrong with the car. It just shows that the owner has just enough money for a Benz E-Class, wants something different but his stomach is too big and his back hurts too much to fit himself in any proper sports car. He still wants to tell people he drives a Porsche, though. Just compromises in life.
  • Driving a or cabriolet with the top closed. Some people get a just for the sake of owning an open-top sports car, but they always keep it closed. They always complain about the dust, the smoke, and the weather. They never comprehend the spirit of a . It’s like not letting the car live its fullest potential. Every time I see one such castrated drives by in good weather, I’d think: what a waste. It’s like wiping your *** with Shakespeare’s manuscript.

    Unless you drive a Peugeot 206cc, then I understand. The motor is probably fried.

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